How to build happy and healthy relationship between you and your kid with special needs By: Elaine Iwa
Have you ever felt unappreciated when you called your child but he/she didn’t look at you? As much as you want to make your little angel feel loved, the response you get from him/her makes you feel that there is a disconnection between the both of you.
As a parent, it may seem frustrating to see your child like this. You may also feel as if you cannot do something to make him understand what is happening around him. But believe me when I say that you can! There is a way! In fact, a lot of ways!
It’s never too late for parents to build happy and healthy relationships with their children with special needs. Don’t know where to start? Here are some things you can consider in establishing a connection with your child:
1. Make time – Time is an important element in a man’s life. We can never reverse the clock and bring back what has gone. This is why parents should spend time with their children while they are still young. Spend at least 3-4 hours per day to bond with your child. Build a connection by playing with your kid. Join him/her in things he/she loves doing. Frequently call your child by his/her name. Always remember to make your child feel important.
2.Observe your child - Discover what makes your child happy and what makes him do unnecessary behaviors. List every possible thing that catches his/her attention, even those that frustrates him/her. Take note of your child’s reaction on different situations. With this, you will understand your child better. Look for possible ways on how you can make your presence be felt. For instance, instead of letting your child watch nursery videos, you can try being animated by imitating his/her favorite characters. You can also sing his/her favorite nursery songs.
3. Ask for support – Do a research. Watch videos. Read books, articles and documents about children with special needs. Seek support. There are different organizations and professionals who can enlighten and help you cope with your situation. Also, look for a support group. Always remember that you are not alone. There are parents like you who are doing everything for their child. With their experience and insights, they can help you understand and strengthen your relationship with your child, as well as share with you tips on how to manage your child when he/she is exhibiting disruptive behaviors. But the best way to handle your child is to just allow your love to calm the storm. Let your love transcend in your child. Nothing beats love.
4. Appreciate the small victories - Sometimes, when you get blinded by the negative things that your child is doing, you feel hopeless and frustrated. But don’t forget to focus on the good things. Appreciate even the smallest achievements of your child. When he smiles at you or hug you spontaneously, when he look into your eyes even just for a second or when he sits down properly – these are some of the things you should be thankful for. Have a positive attitude and you will live a happy life with your child.
5. Celebrate your child’s uniqueness – Do not compare your child to others. There is something in your child that makes him/her uniquely wonderful and amazing. Acceptance is what he/she needs. Your child is awesome and capable of doing great things – celebrate life together!
God cannot be physically with us, so He gave us mothers. Every month of May, we celebrate Mother's day. It is part of our tradition to give our mothers the appreciation they deserve. Not all superheroes wear capes, some wear apron and dress. Mothers are all around superheroes - from making sure they would get up on time to catch our school classes in the morning down to reading us bed time stories, they are always there. But did you know that some mothers were given a special mission? And that is to provide love and care in a most special way to a child with special needs.
We have asked a mother of a child with special needs about what is the best part about being a mother of a child with special needs. Get ready to be touched and be blessed by her story.
"The best part of being the mom of my 8 year old child with special needs named Stan is when I gradually became sort of of a special mom, too, becoming more than the average. When he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in 2013, believe it or not, my husband and I took it calmly because way before then I was already sensing he was different. I was fascinated that he played his toys in a whole new way by lining them up. He was our firstborn so there was no way of comparing him with other kids then until we visited my brother's family and I observed them.
After diagnosis that's when the challenges rose. Potty training was tedious done the usual ways of using a toilet seat and timing him. So I didn't realize before that I did a special thing to get him to the toilet: reading his body language on when he was about to pee or poo. He would squat to the ground and that was the cue for me to pick him up (while he's still squatting!) And carry him to the toilet seat! It was never easy because at 4 years old he used to dump on the floor and I would clean up after him. But having observed his habits helped me slowly change his routine in the other things that he used to do. At 6 years old, he could eat his meals independently, and now he can get his own food, eat by himself, and put his dishes in the sink.
In short, I became sort of special with heightened sensitivity and observation, and this helped me help other autism families when they're facing similar challenges and more. I am a moderator in a Facebook group called Super ASD Parents PH and I share my experiences and some advice based on those experiences.
SMLC has become part Stan's life since June 2016, and this made our journey extra special and extraordinary. Stan's therapist and branch owner in Habay are very helpful and insightful as to how I can do more for him at home. ABA has truly helped us because there is a systematic way of doing his therapy. From the assessment to the tasks and tabulated feedback I get a clear picture of Stan's progress so far, and now that I am battling Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma SMLC has become more involved in his journey while I am having my own. And having a partner in SMLC is another best part of my being a mom of a special-needs child."
Truly, a mother can conquer all for her child. The story of Mommy Lyn Lozada and Stan of SMLC Habay Branch is a clear picture of 'Nothing beats a mother's love'. Happy Mother's Day!
Founded in 2013, Puzzle Café is a dream turned into reality for José Canoy and his family. Like other families, the Canoy family was also anxious about José's future. They worried about how the society would treat him and how he would cope with life's challenges because of his special needs.
Ms. Ysabella Canoy, the general manager and sister of José, always had the passion for serving children with special needs. She encouraged the whole family to work together towards the security of José's future hence Puzzle Café was built.
The Unboxed Team was blessed to have the opportunity to meet Ms. Ysabella and experience the "heaven-on-earth" ambience of the café. The place gives people feelings of happiness, security, fulfillment and most of all: HOPE -- just how exactly the Canoy family envisioned it to be.
How did you come up with the idea of building this café?
Y: This café was initially for José. It was our dream for him. We hired an interior designer to help us put our concepts into reality. We also used various social media accounts to help it get known.
Why was it named Puzzle Café?
Y: José named it! José loves puzzles!
What were the struggles that you encountered when the Puzzle was newly built?
Y: Every member of the family must really contribute. Close relationship is very important: parents and siblings involvement. Amidst the struggles and misunderstandings, José brought us together. We see him as a blessing.
How did you begin outsourcing employees particularly those with special needs?
Y: We opened the café not only to children with autism but also to others with special needs. We didn't want to turn anyone away. But more than the age, it's the readiness that we should consider.
What are the requirements to be accepted as a trainee?
Y: They have to be in school (with program). There will also be assessment of skills, follow-up with parents, and partnership with schools (for simulation). If they will be regularized, their salary will be PHP 50/hour.
What is the cafe's mission?
Y: The mission changes constantly: "Do not be driven by money or popularity."
How to do you overcome challenges?
Y: Remember that they are relying on you not to give up on them, they need people to believe in them.
What is your plan in the next 5 years for the cafe? Are you planning to open it for franchising?
Y: I don't like to make it profit-driven. I don't like to open it for franchise/branch because Jose is no longer there-- my passion is not there. Also, our plan is to help the future generations of children with special needs.
What is your message for Jose?
Y: I will always respect your likes and dislikes. I'm extremely proud of you and I believe in you.
What is your advice for people in line with our profession and others who help special children?
Y: At the end of the day...
Always do all things with love.